||[Sep. 13th, 2012|03:18 pm]
Sorry, not comfortable with LiveJournal post I wrote over a year ago and don't really agree with anymore being linked all over the Internet. I shut down this blog because I don't want poorly-thought out stuff going around under my real name, and a year later it still seems like a good decision. I should have locked this blog before, I didn't bother, but I've done so now.
I'm sure you can find the essay if you search for it but I would prefer that you didn't. Or if you do, I would prefer you put it somewhere not easily linked to my real name. Thanks.
What? I wasn't saying anything like "you shouldn't ask out total strangers." I was saying that you should avoid propositioning total strangers for sex where it's likely to frighten them (and even frighten you if you were in their position). I see little problem with asking out strangers for a date where it's socially acceptable, or propositioning people for sex in places where such propositions are socially acceptable (bars and clubs for example), or trying to turn friends into more than friends.
>I can not get to know her and immediately ask for a date while we are still strangers. This makes me a Creep.
Only if you're absolutely awful in social situations and haven't an ounce of charm, then yeah they'll call you a creep (though you're not) because of how awkward you are (and how rude they are). All you need to do is start a short conversation, see if they're enjoying it, then end the conversation with a "hey, if you're not seeing anyone, we should get a coffee some time." They can always just say "sorry, I'm seeing someone."
I think you need a better model of social norms for dating, flirting, and propositioning. And I think you might have mixed up "let's go for coffee" (i.e., a euphemism for "let's go on a date") with "want to come up to my room for a coffee" (i.e., a euphemism for "let's have sex").
Edited at 2012-09-13 11:09 pm (UTC)
Sorry for misinterpreting you. Looking at it again your point was definitely that all three factors coincide. I do think you were saying that strangeness is at least a risk factor, though.
My point is really that context, accurate mental modeling, and social norms are important. I don't know, watch more sitcoms and dramas to improve your social intuition.
I don't know, watch more sitcoms and dramas to improve your social intuition.
Be careful, you just might make an Abed
out of Scott/the unwitting geek guy (not sure if general you or specific you). =P Maybe a better suggestion would be to socialize/watch people socialize more, or read some books
. But not obviously scummy terrible
Yeah, I looked at Rule 1 and thought, "that's not a rule!" At least not in the USA.