*smiles* I like this post. Thank you for the respect.

Dude, your default reason for living is what many people at their most depressed cite as theirs (first-hand talk): living because they are not biologically dead, because the habits and the body parts just keep going, because despite despair death is still a greater fear.

You live for good feelings (satiety, Reddit, altruism, orgasms), just like anybody, and if you believed there would never be another good feeling, or like you could not wait it out, you might not commit suicide, but you would live only because you were programmed to do so.

IMHO

Despite Despair is incidentally the title of my unrealized Christian emo LP

Sometime when you are really depressed, you do not, of course, attempt suicide, ever, because that will require you to get up and do something -- which needs energy. Which you ain't got.

The one time I was seriously suicidal, I didn't die because I still had the tiniest bit of hope that things would get better. They sort of did, and sort of got way, way worse. But now I have even more knowledge that things absolutely do change, regularly, and if things are going to get better, I, being highly intelligent, creative, compassionate, and well researched (at this point) in healthy social development, am one of the few people who can actually help change things dramatically. So I live for the chance to actually make seriously good changes for the world (and to hopefully, someday get back that most valuable thing what was taken away from me years ago...).

The reasons I've never committed suicide were, at various times, fear of death, and lack of motivation.

The reason that came to my mind was my mother, she would get extremely sad if i died (but that may be just an excuse from the part of my mind that is afraid of death)

Yeah. I figured out depression must be some kind of Darwinian mechanism, I mean, it's a pretty stereotypical human behaviour, get depressed then top yourself so I reasoned it must be part of some kin selection strategy "remove yourself from the pack when you feel you're a burden so they can continue being altruistic to each other".

I'm not saying this theory has any validity per se, but for me it worked to shake off depression intellectually. Nowadays I no longer feel sad but the lack of motivation is still there. I've read that there's a kind of depression that fits that description.

Good old fashioned fear is good enough to keep me away from suicide, I have a fairly vivid imagination and the idea of suddenly regretting it at the point of no return is a salutary antidote.

Yeah, my research has shown that there are two primary factors to depression. The first being some physical deficiency/toxicity that makes a person feel like shit. The second being a lack of social support in solving the problem effectively (such as getting the message from friends/family/communtiy that "There's nothing really wrong with you!" or "You should be happy!"). The former can cause sadness/anger/frustration and other negative emotions, but the latter addition causes clinical/serious depression.

I recall a story about a Pythagorean student committing suicide once he learned that the square root of two exists.

I thought the story was he was murdered by other Pythagoreans who didn't want the secret to get out and ruin people's respect for the beauty of numbers.

Doesn't anyone answer "I won't do it again, because it was way worse than I thought, and now I'm scared straight of dying"?

Not that I've heard of, no. Wonder what that implies.

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