| The Audacity of Pope |
[Sep. 19th, 2010|12:25 am]
Scott
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The Pope came to Britain this weekend to speak out against the dangers of secularism.
Europe must stand up against the forces of secularism, whose "atheist extremism" was exemplified by "Nazi tyranny that wished to eradicate God from society", said Benedict, a former member of the Hitler Youth. There was wild applause for the Pontiff, who hadn't served in the Nazi army at all since World War II ended and who wasn't afraid to hold others to these same high standards.
The forces of secularism also "fail to appreciate...the rights of believers to freedom of conscience and freedom of religion," declared the man who was head of the Inquisition from 1981-2005. They are plotting for "Christians in public roles [to] be required at times to act against their conscience", he continued, despite spending his career threatening to excommunicate any priest or bishop who spoke out against priestly celibacy or in favor of ordination of women.
The crusade against secularism continued into the sphere of economics, where "the lack of a solid ethical foundation for economic activity has contributed to the grave difficulties now being experienced by millions of people throughout the world" according to the Pope, who lives in a giant palace with over a thousand rooms and who controls a bank currently under investigation for money laundering.
"Now he's just trolling", we thought to ourselves. The Pope looked nervous, as if he knew he had lost his audience.
"The forces of secularism are old and out-of-touch!" he shouted, increasingly desperate. "The forces of secularism wear a stupid-looking pointy hat! The forces of secularism, when viewed from a certain angle, look eerily like Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars!"
People began shuffling out, going home.
"The forces of secularism accidentally locked the keys in the Popemobile," said Benedict awkwardly. "Can anyone with a car drive them back to their hotel? Please?" |
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| Comments: |
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/119180850/3732453) | From:  squid314
2010-09-19 01:15 am (UTC)
Re: Every week... | (Link)
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There's a reason it has the tag "fafblogesque"!
From: (Anonymous)
2010-09-19 04:37 am (UTC)
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You pretty much hit the nail on the head here. Keep up the awesome wit - there's a reason you have so many fans.
When he first became pope, I figured it was probably unfair to judge him by his evil-looking exterior, and nasty sounding name (Ratzinger). Then we found out about the Hitler Youth thing, and I figured well, he was a youth in Germany in that period. He either jointed the Hitler Youth, fled to America, or became a political dissident, which was a pretty unattractive option. Then the Inquisition thing came out, and that stung, but I figure it's not REALLY the Inquisition anymore, merely an organization descended from the Inquisition.
But then he started giving public speeches, and it was no longer possible to make excuses for him. He's doing everything imaginable, short of shooting lightening from his fingertips, to live up to frightening exterior.
If he could shoot lightning from his fingertips, it would be a selling point for me to convert.
C'mon, it's freaking Force lightning!
The powah of the Dark Side is sooo tempting!
From: (Anonymous)
2010-09-26 06:13 pm (UTC)
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He's not all bad. He did help with that treaty. And didn't smash the worlds of Bokt:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ9sJVJMiYM
If I was going to pick a poster child for evil secularism I'd chose Stalin not Hitler. Hitler is more like the poster child for bizaree twisted cult religion: anti-Semetic, a fascination wit the occult, collecting religious artifacts like the Spear Of Destiny. I think he was also really into astrology. | |
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