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Stuff [Jul. 11th, 2010|10:21 pm]
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As I mentioned in my last entry, I've been watching Babylon 5 lately. It's not a perfect show, but it has one big advantage: it's consistent and believable.

Contrast this with Doctor Who. Doctor Who is fun to watch, but if you think about it for more than two seconds you notice it's full of plot holes and contradictions. Things that cause time travel paradoxes that threaten to destroy the universe one episode go without a hitch the next. And the TARDIS, the sonic screwdriver, and the Doctor's biology gain completely different powers no one's ever alluded to depending on the situation. The aliens are hysterically unlikely, often without motives or believable science, the characters will do any old insane thing when it makes the plot slightly more interesting, and everything has either a self-destruct button or an easily findable secret weakness that it takes no efforts to defend against.

But I guess I'm not complaining. If the show was believable, the Doctor would have gotten killed the first time he decided to take on a massive superadvanced alien invasion force by walking right up to them openly with no weapons and no plan. And then they would have had to cancel the show, and then I would lose my chance to look at the pretty actress who plays Amy Pond.

So Doctor Who is not a complete loss. But then there are some shows that go completely beyond the pale of enjoyability, until they become nothing more than overwritten collections of tropes impossible to watch without groaning.

I think the worst offender here is the History Channel and all their programs on the so-called "World War II".

Let's start with the bad guys. Battalions of stormtroopers dressed in all black, check. Secret police, check. Determination to brutally kill everyone who doesn't look like them, check. Leader with a tiny villain mustache and a tendency to go into apopleptic rage when he doesn't get his way, check. All this from a country that was ordinary, believable, and dare I say it sometimes even sympathetic in previous seasons.

I wouldn't even mind the lack of originality if they weren't so heavy-handed about it. Apparently we're supposed to believe that in the middle of the war the Germans attacked their allies the Russians, starting an unwinnable conflict on two fronts, just to show how sneaky and untrustworthy they could be? And that they diverted all their resources to use in making ever bigger and scarier death camps, even in the middle of a huge war? Real people just aren't that evil. And that's not even counting the part where as soon as the plot requires it, they instantly forget about all the racism nonsense and become best buddies with the definitely non-Aryan Japanese.

Not that the good guys are much better. Their leader, Churchill, appeared in a grand total of one episode before, where he was a bumbling general who suffered an embarrassing defeat to the Ottomans of all people in the Battle of Gallipoli. Now, all of a sudden, he's not only Prime Minister, he's not only a brilliant military commander, he's not only the greatest orator of the twentieth century who can convince the British to keep going against all odds, he's also a natural wit who is able to pull out hilarious one-liners practically on demand. I know he's supposed to be the hero, but it's not realistic unless you keep the guy at least vaguely human.

So it's pretty standard "shining amazing good guys who can do no wrong" versus "evil legions of darkness bent on torture and genocide" stuff, totally ignoring the nuances and realities of politics. The actual strategy of the war is barely any better. Just to give one example, in the Battle of the Bulge, a vastly larger force of Germans surround a small Allied battalion and demand they surrender or be killed. The Allied general sends back a single-word reply: "Nuts!". The Germans attack, and, miraculously, the tiny Allied force holds them off long enough for reinforcements to arrive and turn the tide of battle. Whoever wrote this episode obviously had never been within a thousand miles of an actual military.

Probably the worst part was the ending. The British/German story arc gets boring, so they tie it up quickly, have the villain kill himself (on Walpurgisnacht of all days, not exactly subtle) and then totally switch gears to a battle between the Americans and the Japanese in the Pacific. Pretty much the same dichotomy - the Japanese kill, torture, perform medical experiments on prisoners, and frickin' play football with the heads of murdered children, and the Americans are led by a kindly old man in a wheelchair.

Anyway, they spend the whole season building up how the Japanese home islands are a fortress, and the Japanese will never surrender, and there's no way to take the Japanese home islands because they're invincible...and then they realize they totally can't have the Americans take the Japanese home islands so they have no way to wrap up the season.

So they invent a completely implausible superweapon that they've never mentioned until now. Apparently the Americans got some scientists together to invent it, only we never heard anything about it because it was "classified". In two years, the scientists manage to invent a weapon a thousand times more powerful than anything anyone's ever seen before - drawing from, of course, ancient mystical texts. Then they use the superweapon, blow up several Japanese cities easily, and the Japanese surrender. Convenient, isn't it?

...and then, in the entire rest of the show, over five or six different big wars, they never use the superweapon again. Seriously. They have this whole thing about a war in Vietnam that lasts decades and kills tens of thousands of people, and they never wonder if maybe they should consider using the frickin' unstoppable mystical superweapon that they won the last war with. At this point, you're starting to wonder if any of the show's writers have even watched the episodes the other writers made.

I'm not even going to get into the whole subplot about breaking a secret code (cleverly named "Enigma", because the writers couldn't spend more than two seconds thinking up a name for an enigmatic code), the giant superintelligent computer called Colossus (despite this being years before the transistor was even invented), the Soviet strongman whose name means "Man of Steel" in Russian (seriously, between calling the strongman "Man of Steel" and the Frenchman "de Gaulle", whoever came up with the names for this thing ought to be shot).

So yeah. Stay away from the History Channel. Unlike most of the other networks, they don't even try to make their stuff believable.

[User Picture]From: david_deacon
2010-07-12 06:52 pm (UTC)
No, you've got it all wrong. World War II was that rarest of programs: a sequel far more interesting and complex than the original. Remember the first series, World War I, when the Germans rebooted the concept of war? Four years of endless trench warfare. Ratings were abysmal.
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[User Picture]From: mikser
2010-07-12 07:11 pm (UTC)
Yep! At least WW2 was interesting, if not realistic.
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[User Picture]From: xiphias
2010-07-12 07:17 pm (UTC)
I really DID like some of the call-backs to the original series. I mean, the whole Maginot Line sub-plot was just funny.
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[User Picture]From: david_deacon
2010-07-12 07:43 pm (UTC)
What was really funny was having the villain in Part II be a mere minion in Part I! Hilarious! Who thinks these things up?
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[User Picture]From: ice_hesitant
2010-07-13 02:07 am (UTC)
They stole that from Blackadder. He was a bumbling nincompoop in the first series and an arch-villain in his own right in all the sequels.
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[User Picture]From: squid314
2010-07-12 08:10 pm (UTC)
That's the problem! World War I was all about being dark and gritty and fully aware of the horrors of war, and then they change it to something light-hearted and funny with the stereotyped and frankly offensive "surrendering Frenchman" gag.
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[User Picture]From: xiphias
2010-07-12 08:13 pm (UTC)
Did you know that in the American release, they replaced "Armistice Day", which is the whole POINT of the thing, with "Memorial Day", which is almost the opposite thing?
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[User Picture]From: jetspeaks
2010-07-13 07:13 am (UTC)
Well, that's the problem with Americans, always thinking their remakes are better than the original.
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[User Picture]From: mhammer
2010-07-13 07:50 pm (UTC)

Oh come on! We so totally do it better . . .

I mean that remake of . . . no, wait the original was better. But then they redid, um, no the first was better, too. Um, *scratches head, how about . . . um.

Never mind.
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[User Picture]From: pierceheart
2010-07-16 03:29 pm (UTC)
Did you mean Veterans' Day?
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[User Picture]From: xiphias
2010-07-16 03:32 pm (UTC)
Yes, yes I did.
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[User Picture]From: pierceheart
2010-07-16 03:34 pm (UTC)
Just checking, because, if we're going to complain about screwed up retconning/derivative works, we should get the show title right.
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[User Picture]From: cynicalcleric
2010-07-12 11:55 pm (UTC)
So X-Men and X-Men 2 was a loose remakes of World War I and World War II, respectively?
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[User Picture]From: david_deacon
2010-07-13 03:18 pm (UTC)
No, you're getting confused. Magneto had a small role in World War II as Buchenwald inmate #33592.
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[User Picture]From: scyllacat
2010-07-13 02:15 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: sleepyj910
2010-07-13 07:52 pm (UTC)
that's just how entertainment was back then. People used to have time to sit down and enjoy the gritty details of trench warfare
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[User Picture]From: supercrook
2010-07-14 02:02 am (UTC)
I preferred the faster-paced sequel, myself; World War I got really bogged down on the whole trench warfare thing. It's really not that interesting. And it might illustrate the whole ~futility of war~ thing really nicely, but seriously, who fights in a war and wants to write some poems about it?
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[User Picture]From: micheinnz
2010-07-14 09:23 pm (UTC)
It's not widely known, but the whole trench warfare thing in World War I was copied from an obscure series called The New Zealand Wars where the stereotypical Noble Savage race decided for no apparent reason to dig in to defend their territory from the Evil Colonial Oppressors even though there was no precedent for it and no way for them to know whether they'd be successful. They weren't, in the end, but then the Noble Savages never are.
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[User Picture]From: terpsichoros
2010-07-14 02:21 am (UTC)
And the Americans had already done better than that - Sherman's march through Georgia presages World War II, but nobody in The Great War had any concept of strategy.

The weird subplots in The Great War were actually pretty fascinating, even if everybody forgets about them today. Though some of them stretch believability as badly as World War II - a deeply-closeted poofter leads a bunch of Arabs(!) against their co-religionists? The Germans try to enlist Mexico(!) against the U.S.?
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[User Picture]From: david_deacon
2010-07-14 02:04 pm (UTC)
Not to mention:

Because the American President was an invalid due to a stroke, the US basically had a female President, his wife, from 1919 to 1924.
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[User Picture]From: deborahkla
2010-07-14 08:05 am (UTC)

Greatest comment EVER, accompanied by the perfect icon. :-)
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From: (Anonymous)
2010-07-14 11:19 am (UTC)
So when's the third one coming along? I heard it was delayed.
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[User Picture]From: david_deacon
2010-07-14 01:57 pm (UTC)
That will be roughly in 2015, after they elect the Antichrist in 2012.
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[User Picture]From: olddguyy
2010-07-17 04:44 am (UTC)

Oh wow, just like Xena!!!

"that rarest of programs: a sequel far more interesting and complex than the original"

Oh wow, just like Xena!!!

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