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Stuff [Jul. 11th, 2010|10:21 pm]
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As I mentioned in my last entry, I've been watching Babylon 5 lately. It's not a perfect show, but it has one big advantage: it's consistent and believable.

Contrast this with Doctor Who. Doctor Who is fun to watch, but if you think about it for more than two seconds you notice it's full of plot holes and contradictions. Things that cause time travel paradoxes that threaten to destroy the universe one episode go without a hitch the next. And the TARDIS, the sonic screwdriver, and the Doctor's biology gain completely different powers no one's ever alluded to depending on the situation. The aliens are hysterically unlikely, often without motives or believable science, the characters will do any old insane thing when it makes the plot slightly more interesting, and everything has either a self-destruct button or an easily findable secret weakness that it takes no efforts to defend against.

But I guess I'm not complaining. If the show was believable, the Doctor would have gotten killed the first time he decided to take on a massive superadvanced alien invasion force by walking right up to them openly with no weapons and no plan. And then they would have had to cancel the show, and then I would lose my chance to look at the pretty actress who plays Amy Pond.

So Doctor Who is not a complete loss. But then there are some shows that go completely beyond the pale of enjoyability, until they become nothing more than overwritten collections of tropes impossible to watch without groaning.

I think the worst offender here is the History Channel and all their programs on the so-called "World War II".

Let's start with the bad guys. Battalions of stormtroopers dressed in all black, check. Secret police, check. Determination to brutally kill everyone who doesn't look like them, check. Leader with a tiny villain mustache and a tendency to go into apopleptic rage when he doesn't get his way, check. All this from a country that was ordinary, believable, and dare I say it sometimes even sympathetic in previous seasons.

I wouldn't even mind the lack of originality if they weren't so heavy-handed about it. Apparently we're supposed to believe that in the middle of the war the Germans attacked their allies the Russians, starting an unwinnable conflict on two fronts, just to show how sneaky and untrustworthy they could be? And that they diverted all their resources to use in making ever bigger and scarier death camps, even in the middle of a huge war? Real people just aren't that evil. And that's not even counting the part where as soon as the plot requires it, they instantly forget about all the racism nonsense and become best buddies with the definitely non-Aryan Japanese.

Not that the good guys are much better. Their leader, Churchill, appeared in a grand total of one episode before, where he was a bumbling general who suffered an embarrassing defeat to the Ottomans of all people in the Battle of Gallipoli. Now, all of a sudden, he's not only Prime Minister, he's not only a brilliant military commander, he's not only the greatest orator of the twentieth century who can convince the British to keep going against all odds, he's also a natural wit who is able to pull out hilarious one-liners practically on demand. I know he's supposed to be the hero, but it's not realistic unless you keep the guy at least vaguely human.

So it's pretty standard "shining amazing good guys who can do no wrong" versus "evil legions of darkness bent on torture and genocide" stuff, totally ignoring the nuances and realities of politics. The actual strategy of the war is barely any better. Just to give one example, in the Battle of the Bulge, a vastly larger force of Germans surround a small Allied battalion and demand they surrender or be killed. The Allied general sends back a single-word reply: "Nuts!". The Germans attack, and, miraculously, the tiny Allied force holds them off long enough for reinforcements to arrive and turn the tide of battle. Whoever wrote this episode obviously had never been within a thousand miles of an actual military.

Probably the worst part was the ending. The British/German story arc gets boring, so they tie it up quickly, have the villain kill himself (on Walpurgisnacht of all days, not exactly subtle) and then totally switch gears to a battle between the Americans and the Japanese in the Pacific. Pretty much the same dichotomy - the Japanese kill, torture, perform medical experiments on prisoners, and frickin' play football with the heads of murdered children, and the Americans are led by a kindly old man in a wheelchair.

Anyway, they spend the whole season building up how the Japanese home islands are a fortress, and the Japanese will never surrender, and there's no way to take the Japanese home islands because they're invincible...and then they realize they totally can't have the Americans take the Japanese home islands so they have no way to wrap up the season.

So they invent a completely implausible superweapon that they've never mentioned until now. Apparently the Americans got some scientists together to invent it, only we never heard anything about it because it was "classified". In two years, the scientists manage to invent a weapon a thousand times more powerful than anything anyone's ever seen before - drawing from, of course, ancient mystical texts. Then they use the superweapon, blow up several Japanese cities easily, and the Japanese surrender. Convenient, isn't it?

...and then, in the entire rest of the show, over five or six different big wars, they never use the superweapon again. Seriously. They have this whole thing about a war in Vietnam that lasts decades and kills tens of thousands of people, and they never wonder if maybe they should consider using the frickin' unstoppable mystical superweapon that they won the last war with. At this point, you're starting to wonder if any of the show's writers have even watched the episodes the other writers made.

I'm not even going to get into the whole subplot about breaking a secret code (cleverly named "Enigma", because the writers couldn't spend more than two seconds thinking up a name for an enigmatic code), the giant superintelligent computer called Colossus (despite this being years before the transistor was even invented), the Soviet strongman whose name means "Man of Steel" in Russian (seriously, between calling the strongman "Man of Steel" and the Frenchman "de Gaulle", whoever came up with the names for this thing ought to be shot).

So yeah. Stay away from the History Channel. Unlike most of the other networks, they don't even try to make their stuff believable.
linkReply

Comments:
From: (Anonymous)
2010-07-12 05:12 pm (UTC)

Russians

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Russia was not allied to Germany, but rather to the other side, the "Allied Forces."

Is this your mistake, or is that really what THC says?
From: tuckerch
2010-07-12 05:19 pm (UTC)

Re: Russians

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It's true. Germany and the Soviet Union had a treaty.

Up until Germany launched Operation Barbarossa. (wiki article)
[User Picture]From: pauamma
2010-07-14 07:04 pm (UTC)

Re: Russians

(Link)

Yeah, right. That's just bad retconning.

Edited at 2010-07-14 07:05 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
2010-07-12 05:23 pm (UTC)

Re: Russians

(Link)

Russia and Germany started the war as allies, carving up Poland between them.
From: (Anonymous)
2010-07-12 06:01 pm (UTC)

Re: Russians

(Link)

A non-aggression pact and allies are completely different things.
[User Picture]From: pomo_drunkard
2010-07-12 08:15 pm (UTC)

Re: Russians

(Link)

I wouldn't go far as to say "completely" different things, especially since they did wind up invading and dividing a country between them, and agreed to leave each other alone at a time when everyone else was fighting.

Russia started out the war not at war with the Axis. The Allies were not at war with Russia, but Russia were not Allies until Germany declared war on them by invading them.

Making a huge distinction between 'a non-aggression pact" and "allies" to be quibbling over semantics.
[User Picture]From: kraorh
2010-07-15 06:14 am (UTC)

Re: Russians

(Link)

Right. And there were serious talks - never completed of course - about the USSR becoming a full member of the Axis up until June 1941. And before that date, the Gestapo and the NKVD had all kinds of agreements between them on the sharing of intelligence, desired prisoners, and even training in Moscow for Gestapo and concentration camp agents. Molotov gave a speech to the Supreme Soviet saying it was a crime to oppose Nazism, and French Communists were urged not necessarily to collaborate with Vichy, but at least to recognize occupying German soldiers as comrades. Jews who fled to the USSR were directly handed over to the Gestapo. And then there's trade - the USSR became the biggest supplier of raw materials and foodstuffs for the Nazi war machine, while importing German technology for its factories.

So yeah, it was a little bit more than just a non-aggression treaty, like the one the USSR had with Japan until August 1945, which pretty much was just that.

The stuff of high drama, that. Though I have it on good authority that it's all based on true stories.
[User Picture]From: mikser
2010-07-12 06:15 pm (UTC)

Re: Russians

(Link)

Wrong. Germany started the war and defeated Poland, whereas USSR managed to take additional area, when Poland was defeated and ceased to exist.
From: (Anonymous)
2010-07-12 07:06 pm (UTC)

Re: Russians

(Link)

Don't forget the Molotov Ribbentrop Pact (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Molotov%E2%80%93Ribbentrop_Pact) which was, in effect, an agreement to carve up Poland between Germany and the Soviet Union.
[User Picture]From: mikser
2010-07-12 07:10 pm (UTC)

Re: Russians

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I don't. But it's even less relevant, than to cite Munich Agreement (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munich_Agreement) as the ultimate reason why the WW2 started.
From: (Anonymous)
2011-07-01 01:30 pm (UTC)

AiGpqKEhNoMPqTzzo

(Link)

Now we know who the snesible one is here. Great post!
[User Picture]From: gdy
2010-07-13 11:07 am (UTC)

Russians

(Link)

German, Hungary and Poland started the war as allies, carving up Czechoslovakia between them with approval of France and the UK.

Before the war unfolded the West wasn't going to ally itself with the Soviets. Pretty sure they would stay away and watch Nazi German and Soviet Russia annihilate each other if only they could.

What would be the best strategy for the USSR in this situation? Buy time to prepare for war and hope that German attacks the West first.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/German_occupation_of_Czechoslovakia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munich_Agreement
[User Picture]From: drewkitty
2010-07-14 03:18 am (UTC)

Re: Russians

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What Stalin hoped to do was launch an offensive war in autumn of 1941 when the weather was favorable and he'd built up enough forces on the border, but Hitler blocked it by invading early. However test audiences couldn't understand why an offensive buildup of forces is no good in a hasty defense, and it complicated the War Crimes subplot too much.

I swear, there's an awful lot of fanfic from these college students.

From: (Anonymous)
2010-07-13 05:02 am (UTC)

Re: Russians

(Link)

The Germans and Russians were allied until 1940, when Hitler launched a surprise attack. In fact, when the Germans invaded Poland in 1939, the Soviets snatched up parts of Eastern Poland quite thankfully: http://www.johndclare.net/RoadtoWWII8.htm
From: (Anonymous)
2010-07-14 08:20 pm (UTC)

Re: Russians

(Link)

Umm they had a non aggression treaty before Hitler broke it. Think the writers ad-libbed here.
From: archersangel.blogspot.com
2010-07-15 02:43 am (UTC)

Re: Russians

(Link)

it's a case of the writers not looking at the show bible.

BTW here from metaquotes
From: (Anonymous)
2010-07-20 07:08 pm (UTC)

Re: Russians

(Link)

They had a treaty with the Germans, conveniently broken when it suited the plot.